--- Wholesome Addiction: 275 --- Sticky Quicky -- Could watch this forever http://theoperatorsaddiction.tumblr.com/post/166178029459/mell-bell-youre-welcome-ahhhhh-yeaaaahhhh News Listeners questions OK, there's something that I just heard about, though I guess it's been out there for a little while now. It's the idea that sex addicted people would come out to their friends and family as a sex addict. Like, they would decide, OK, today's the day, going to say it out loud to people, I'm a sex addict. Coming out as sex addict is a strange idea, because, of course, people can see if you're sex addict. It's no secret. The fact that you're fucking all the time . . . you know, just avoiding the rumor mill on social media as a sex addict is hard. You need a lot of partners. It's undeniable. It's awkward and embarrassing. Sex addicts like me are constantly fucking spontaneously, you know? It's not like when you come out as gay or transgender. Nobody says to you, “Girl, I can't believe you're sex addict”. So I have transformed from somebody who never wanted to be noticed as a sex addict at all, to somebody who tells all my well-meaning friends that, yes, I want you all to call me an sex addict, even though it makes them feel a little uncomfortable at first. It has taken years, involved many humiliations. I always felt like if I didn't mention it that maybe people wouldn't notice. Or it could just be this sort of polite secret, like, open secret that we didn't address, because it felt so shameful. It just felt impolite to talk about, like me not wanting to burden you with my failure. I was like ‘just give me a little more time. Let's not talk about it, and I promise I'll fix it’. That's key. As long as you're a sex addicted person who's trying not to be sex addict, that's acceptable. That's a good sex addicted person. You don't totally admit to yourself you're a sex addict, because, well-- The way that we are taught to think about sex addiction is that being horny is not a permanent state. You're just a monogamous person who's failing consistently for your whole life. So to actually say, OK, I am sex addicted -- and I have been as long as I can remember, so I don't know why I live in this imaginary future where I am someday I'm going to be monogamous. A couple of years ago I was determined to not be sex addicted forever. And my worst fear was, what if I am? And then at some point, I just was like, you know, it's fairly likely that I'm going to be sex addicted forever. So why am I putting off figuring out how to live with that? I should, rather than spending all my time counting partners, why not try to figure out how to be happy now? Which means saying to everybody, let's just decide together that, like most sex addict people, I'll probably always be this way. This is who I am, which-- right now, anyway-- is so rare, it feels like a radical act. I'm sex addict. It's so weird to actually hear yourself say “I'm a sex addict”. I don't think I've ever actually heard somebody just say those words except in a much smaller context, like somebody has a threesome and it's like, oh, I'm a sex addict. But they don't mean, this is who I am. It's usually the vanilla-monogamous people who say that. When you come out as gay, most people accept it, because they know you can't do anything about that. That's who you are. You can't change it. But coming out as a sex addict, doctors and your family and kind of the entire culture is organized to point out how wrong-headed you are. When you're over a certain level of sexual partners complete strangers walk up to you on the street, or on social media, and tell you to be monogamous or stay away from their boyfriend/girlfriend. Can you three understand how that feels? They shoot you dirty looks when they see condoms in your hand or sextoys around the house. They talk down to you like you're stupid about your health, as if pretty much every sex addicted person has not been around the block 500 times on that one already. That's why decided to say I am a sex addict and be OK. However, it is at a peculiar frontier right now, where things are shifting and people do not agree about what is acceptable to say and think. For example, I have begun to stop people and say, the word "slut" is not preferred. I am not strident about this. I am super friendly. I let them know the problem with "slut” or “ho" is that it implies that there is a correct horny level for people. That's how radical this is. It's saying that no horniness is better than any other horniness, which, given the health risks associated with sex addicts, that I acknowledge, it can be hard to get your head around but I hope I can help your listeners see this whole thing differently. I remember feeling like my brain was changing shape. It just had never occurred to me that you could just decide that you were allowed to be happy and live as a sex addict. My boss, Lance, was on something of a sex addict epidemic kick. He wasn't alone. The rest of the nation had declared a war on sex addiction. They'd whipped up a host of reasons why it was right and good to hate sex addicted people-- our repulsive clothing, home wrecking, of course, the classic bad cum breath, but also our drain on the health care system, our hogging of parks and public spaces, our impact on "the children," our pathetic inability and/or monstrous refusal to swap austerity for goodtime, oh, and our health, because they care. Lance was on that train, and I don't blame him. It was a very popular and, I imagine, a gratifying ticket at the time. And even more so than today, it was considered very roguish to ‘tell it like it is’ about sex addicted people. Lance's main sticking point seemed to be that sex addicted people like me who insisted we weren't imminently dying. He fiercely and persistently defended his, "I refuse to take the self-esteem-boosting/public-health-shredding position that you can be a promiscuous and healthy. Anyone who denies the existence of the sex addiction epidemic in the United States hasn't been to a decent party in San Francisco.” That's what Lance said. In other words, we're horrible. We're in the way. We're a joke. I could probably have dealt with that, but I hated the feeling that my boss hated me because of my sex addiction. I knew Lance didn't hate me. But why didn't he see that when he made generalizations about sex addicted people he was hurting me, his colleague and friend? And why should I, as an employee, have to swallow (get it) that kind of treatment at my job? Did I want to be the kind of person who didn't fight? Something lurched awake inside of me. A lifetime of being talked down to about safe sex, being kept secret by people I was dating, being both invisible and too visible finally foamed up and spilled over. I emailed Lance privately last November. I asked him to please, please consider his words more carefully before talking about sex addicted people, to remember that we're human beings with complex lives, not disease vectors or animals. I was timid, pleading. Here is the actual email that I sent to my boss— "To Lance. Subject-- hello, could you lay off the sex addicted people shit?” “Just curious. Who are these hordes of sex addicted people chasing you around, insisting that fucking all day is awesome and good for your health? Because, um, I don't believe you. That sounds like a strawman. And I know some of your best friends are sex addicted or whatever, but you sound like a bigot. Also, your super obvious and regressive point has been made. Everyone in the world already thinks sex addicted people are sinners and gross." Then I went all caps. "WE GET IT! YOU ARE NOT BREAKING NEW GROUND!" Back to regular case. "Being a sex addicted is its own punishment. I don't give a flip if you think I lie on the couch all day fucking randos. I'd just rather not be abused on the internet from inside my own workplace. Just a thought. " Lance's reply was short. He asked simply if I'd ever detected any animus from him. We never talked about it in the office. For the rest of the year, he went back to posting semi-regularly about the horrors of the sex addiction epidemic with no discernible interruption. And I went back to ignoring him. I looked back over our old email exchange. My private confrontation with Lance had gotten me nowhere. Taking a quick, vague swipe at him gotten me nowhere. So I did what honestly I thought Lance would do, write to you guys and hope the word gets out. I get that he thinks he is actually helping people by contributing to the shame that consumes every sex addict every day of their lives. But people like him are not helping. Shame doesn't work. Meetings don't work. Sex addicted people already are ashamed. It's taken care of. No further manpower needed on the shame front. I am thoroughly annoyed at having tame statements of fact-- being a professional sex worker is a health risk, people fucking in public is unsightly-- characterized as hate speech. Ha! People fucking in public are unsightly. That is in no way a tame statement of fact. It's not a fact at all. It's a cruel, subjective opinion. But this is what's behind this entire Shaming. It's not about health. It's about "ew." You sex addicts are icky. Ew. A sex addict might hit on you or orgasm near you with their sex addicted-selves. Ew! Coincidentally, that's the same feeling that drives anti-gay bigots. No matter what excuses they drum up about family values and, yes, health, it's all "ew." And sorry, I reject your "ew." You're not concerned about my health. Because if you were concerned about my health, you would also be concerned about my mental health, which has spent the past 28 years being slowly eroded by statements like the above. Also, you don't know anything about my health. You do happen to be the boss of me, but you are not the doctor of me. You have no idea how many people if fuck, how much I exercise, what my blood pressure is, or whether or not I'm going to get an STD. Not that any of that matters, because it is entirely none of your business. Sex addicts are told all the time they're choosing to be unhealthy. Sex addicted people like me point out that actually, the causes of sex addiction are way more complex than just fucking too many people. According to the National Institutes of Health, they include physiological, metabolic, genetic, psychological, social, and cultural factors. Also, we haven't invented a way to make sex addicts monogamous long-term. Fewer than 1 in 100 sex addicted people get monogamous and keep off rando sex, according to one recent study, which tracked over a 2,000 people for nine years. Thanks for helping me vent. I love the podcast. ~ Ashley ========== Ken’s wife So I normally listen to your podcast with Ken but as life goes it just gets busy. He told me I really needed to listen to the podcast from last week. Sooo. This morning driving into work at 5 am. You guys are on reading Ken’s post about our first lifestyle meeting. It was awesome. I was laughing so hard tears were flowing. Ken’s description was a little more tamer than it really was! What a wonderful night in our lives only to have so much more! The making out with girls at the bar. Dirty dancing with them on the dance floor (i think this is really how I got us kicked out. Did he mention it was in the Bible Belt. LOL. Then only to get to Dance with Bridget the Midget - I will always have the bathroom scene in my head!!!! What a night. This “good girl” got us kicked out of not 1 but 2 places. Then got to go home and show everyone how I can squirt. Let the guys learning the proper way of fisting ;) and getting fucked so much that by the end of the night I couldn’t squirt a bit. It was a great way to start our lifestyle beginning! Now as you can tell. ken is much better at details than me. I hope one day to be listening and he tells you about my strip club experience with a stripper named Liberty. Or better yet the time we went to a Lifestyle club and I was 5 months pregnant. Best female orgy ever!!!!!! Ken’s wife Btw. Flattered that you think I am such i great wife! I think I am the lucky one cause Ken let's me live out all my fantasies Dirty Dancing Link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PgTjhx1VLw --------------------------------------- Dear Not-so-Wholesome crew, I've been catching up on your show (I'm currently on cast 265) and couldn't help laughing at Sean's delight and love of hentai and how he couldn't stop himself from sharing tentacle porn with his wife in a middle of a restaurant. Hentai should be shared with reckless abandon, so good on you, Sean. With that said, here's a little thought experiment for you guys. In the following link is a variety of fantasy princesses, complete with stats, pros and cons. You can only choose one. So which would it be? https://e-hentai.org/g/1008567/6ba08f555c/ Sincerely, Xam ps. For a listener recommendation, check out Anna Bell Peaks. Big boobs, neon pink hair and covered in tattoos = awesome Sean: Ghost Princess 1st runner-up - Giant princess Slime princess if one of those two aren't available. --------------------------------------- This is directed to the listening audience. Normally I would back up the conclusions and opinions of the WA crew, but I think their perspectives an local has finally got them to steer the audience wrong for the first time. The issue at point is young women in the mall with messages on their clothing which you “THINK” are directions to you. If you see a young woman with “Smile” or any other enticing remark on their chest or ass, IT’S A TRAP!!! That message is not directed towards you. It is directed towards their friends so they can giggle about how amazingly cute they are. If you are the average male, or even worse average middle aged male, the best you can hope for is a sneer and the possibility of being thrown out of said mall for being a creeper. I won’t even bother going into what could happen if your significant other were to be with you. With all of that said it is easy to see how the WA crew might get this one wrong. To start with Op. Operator is a resident of Southern California, where if someone DOESN’T smile at your body it could be grounds for emergency cosmetic surgery. Second there’s Beef, who can smile at a young lady and end up with a lap dance in a Japanese steak house. Finally there’s Sean. First of all Sean will typically smile at the type of women who are a tad older, and really are advertising. Not only that, they’re the type whom if he didn’t smile at, might tie him up and spank him for it (or maybe if he did smile. Not sure how that works.) Not only that, but Sean is blessed enough to have a wife who would point out said lady and insist that he smile at her. So... after years of faithful adherence to the words of the show I have to in good conscience file my first desenting (I know I spelled that wrong) opinion. Also... assuming you get this after the deed is done, congrats to Op. Wish you all the best. ~ Jake... From State Farm ---------------------------------------------------- My lords of podcast porn, I caught a hiccup in the audio the other day listening to the cast -- which I love btw. I started a podcast a while back myself and just happened to hear it in the audio with a editors ear. It wasn't big but it was there. And then I got to thinking, I really don't hear a lot of those from you guys, how many edits actaully go into your show? Just curious? ~ LandoGriffinthe3rd ---------------------------------------------------- Ok.... I have something that needs to be discussed amongst sleazy depraved men. So obviously I know where to go. I have 3 things for you guys to discuss. Who has the bestest boobs in mainstream showbiz? Who has the most amazing ass? What was the best mainstream sex scene? A few rules to make it fair: First - we are talking mainstream. Foreign film or actress (or actor of that is your thing) is ok, but no straight up porn. Second - you must have a pic to share to demonstrate your nomination. Third - no fappening or stolen pics. The must be screen caps from a movie or show that were in, a modeling shot, or paparazzi (if you take your clothes off in public and get pissed someone took a pic that’s your problem.) Also... this is open to any listener who would like to participate. If they send their nominations to @wapodcastnews I will post all nominations there. To start with, here are mine. Best Boobs - Alexandra Doddario, True Detective Most Amazing Ass - Mila Kunis Best Main Stream Sex Scene - Lea Seydoux and Adele Exarchopoulos, Blue is the Warmest Color ~ Jake Sean: Boobs: Christina Ricci - Black snake moan Every time I see her in that she just reminds me of raw sex http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dWlr8TN0Kc8/UY-bzgwSHTI/AAAAAAAARBo/BySRUrkWqBo/s1600/Christina+Ricci+(60).jpg Ass: Margo Robbie - Wolf of wall street Because.... damn Gina! http://screenmusings.org/movie/blu-ray/The-Wolf-of-Wall-Street/images/The-Wolf-of-Wall-Street-0024.jpg Sex scene(s), well, ya knew this was gonna be it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POEUgs1Shqw Honorable mention: Hair, and face and legs... Natalie Dormer. In love with that girl. https://media.gq.com/photos/558478c23655c24c6c9888b5/master/w_704,h_964,c_limit/copilot-women-photos-201404-1396292844937_natalie-dormer-gq-magazine-april-2014-game-of-thrones-sexy-women-photos-03.jpg